Three words: puerto rican gang bang
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
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