Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
