I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Randomize
