I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
I'm bleeding and have questions
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Randomize
