We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Randomize
