You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
She's the barista slut.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
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