I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
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