Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize