I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
Can I color on your dick again?
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
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