I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
50% drunk capacity currently
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
