I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
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