i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Randomize
