i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Randomize
