i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
Randomize
