I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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