East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
