hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
I feel like abortions should bother me more
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
i think my cat just said my name.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
