Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Randomize
