I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
She even gives head with a lisp.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
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