Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
