I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
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