the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
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