Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
