i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
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