He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
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