so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
