see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
