Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize