i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
