i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Randomize
