she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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