You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
Can you repeat that, but with context?
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize