drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
