after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
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