I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
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