You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
