I think i peed on brittanys purse
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Randomize
