i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Randomize
