tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Randomize
