we're chasing vodka with high fives
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
