I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
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