Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize