I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
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