You can't motorboat a personality
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Randomize
