Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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