Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Randomize
