Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Randomize
