yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize