life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
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