woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
Randomize
