I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
We were destined to go to rehab together
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
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