Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
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