what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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