My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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