She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
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