took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
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