And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
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