I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Randomize
