Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
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