Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
I came so hard my ears popped.
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