You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
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