I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
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