He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Randomize
