I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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