How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
