I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
