I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
We are all done wearing pants today
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize
