gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
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