There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Randomize