is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
