cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
